My Journey with Lyme Disease

Ten years ago, my life changed forever.

It was a normal day, I was meeting a client for lunch. As we sat and chatted, I started to feel tired. I’m not usually one for taking naps (at least I wasn’t then) but I went home and crashed for a few hours. But the exhaustion never left. After a week of just being worn out, I went to the doctor, who told me that I needed to take more vitamin D, and that people didn’t just wake up one day with chronic fatigue. Um….but I did. So then I went to see a friend who’s a nurse practitioner. I knew that she would see me, laying in the chair because I couldn’t sit up or hold my head up, and know that something was definitely wrong with me. She diagnosed me with Epstein Barr Virus. So I read all about that. I started seeing a holistic doctor, who told me that I had low oxygen and that I’d need to be on oxygen the rest of my life—I had pneumonia at 5 weeks old and I live at high altitude, so I knew that my lungs weren’t all that—so I bought an oxygen machine and used it every night. I would also go and have my blood oxygenated every other week. Still no change. I was getting acupuncture. We had a water softener put in the house, and tested for mold. I changed my diet. I just couldn’t function. To walk across the room was exhausting. I spent a lot of time just sitting in the recliner and staring out the window, grateful for my big windows and wonderful mountain views, but to pick up a book was an overwhelming task. I cut back on work, dropped a few clients and lost a few. I would do my best to sit at my computer for a few hours in the morning, because I knew as the day wore on that I wouldn’t be able to do anything. I was depressed, angry, frustrated, sad. I lost 20 lbs. I felt like my body had turned on me. I was 41-years-old.

After 6 months of this and no relief, a friend who’s a naturopathic doctor reached out. She told me to come and see her, that I shouldn’t still be having these issues if it truly was EBV. She had suffered from chronic lyme so she knew what to look for. She ran some tests and I was positive for not only lyme disease, but also borrelia and babesia, other tick-borne infections. Finally—an answer! We got rid of the parasites in a non-traditional way, with magnets. I know it sounds woo-woo, but let me tell ya, it worked. She told me that I’d be really worn out after these interactions with the magnet, and I thought, “how is that possible? I can hardly move as it is.” She wasn’t kidding. After the first session, I debated whether or not it would take less energy to crawl to the bathroom or walk, and why I hadn’t bought some adult diapers. I could barely move. We spent the next year doing blood tests, allergy tests, all kinds of tests. I talked to therapists, psychics, energy healers. I journaled. Did low impact yoga (which was basically me laying on the floor and rolling around because that’s all I could do). The doctor said that it would take me 3 years before I had my energy back. I thought, not me, I can beat this quicker. I was wrong. After a year of being lethargic—my husband handled all of the household chores and tasks—I was finally able to pitch in a little. I really wanted to be ME again so sometimes I would push it. I would dance at a wedding reception or attempt a 5 mile hike. And boy, would I CRASH afterwards, laying on the couch for 2 weeks, not able to move again. It truly took 3 years before I was able to do things again, and even then it would sometimes kick my butt.

She thinks that I had lyme since I was about 12. Growing up in Missouri, we got bit by ticks all the time, and no one thought anything of it. But I definitely had issues that no one could explain. I had cherry angiomas all over one of my legs, headaches that wouldn’t go away, tremors in my hands (and sometimes my head), fainting spells. Doctors said it was all in my head, and the neurologist even went so far as to tell me that I shouldn’t be an artist because my tremors would get worse over time. (Even today I’d like to slap that guy.) Lots of other issues that I won’t go into detail with, including infertility.

So why am I writing this? Because today, ten years later, I am so full of gratitude. Even though it was the absolute lowest point of my life, I came out the other side so much better than I was. I take better care of myself, not just physically but emotionally too. Being so sick truly showed me how much some people can step up and care for you and support you and love you—and how others can’t. It was eye opening to discover who my friends were. I’m so darn lucky that my husband is as ridiculously supportive as he is, always smiling and trying to brighten my days when I was in such a dark place. I learned to prioritize myself and not my work (sounds silly, but it’s true). I pay more attention to the little things, especially in nature. And I try to be in nature as much as I absolutely can.

Which is what brings me to the part that changed the most. After 3 years of my struggle, when I finally had some energy back, I wanted to create. Before I got sick, I had illustrated 3 children’s books, and was painting animals, both in watercolor and in acrylic with collage elements. I wanted to paint again, but I wanted something new. I wasn’t that same person anymore, and I wanted my art to show that. I had some cheap chalk pastels from high school, and on a whim, I painted a landscape. I was amazed at how easily it came to me, how quickly it was to have a finished painting (instead of the 25+ hours on an animal painting). I decided to treat myself and buy a nice set of pastels. I started with a Terry Ludwig set and then splurged on some Sennelier. Well now I was hooked. I painted whenever I had free time. I was finally able to capture the landscapes around me that had captivated me since moving to Colorado in 2006. Covid showed it’s ugly head in the spring of 2020 and I was given another gift: time. I suddenly realized that all of my graphic design clients were either restaurants, the tourism industry, or non-profits, so needless to say, I had some time on my hands. While camping with friends that summer (at a safe distance—they had their fire pit, we had ours, ha ha) one of our friends told me about an artist residency that I could apply for. The deadline was the next day. So when we got home from camping, I polished up my resume and submitted an application. I was overjoyed when told that I’d been selected, and in the late fall of 2020 I spent over a week at Willowtail Springs Nature Preserve and Education Center. I had an entire studio all to myself, and I woke up each morning and painted all day. ALL DAY. It was wonderful. I created 20 paintings in my time there, and that was a big game changer. In the spring of 2021 I had my first art show in 7 years, exhibiting all of these new paintings. I think half of them sold at the opening, and I was beside myself.

THIS. This is the good that came out of the bad. It opened up something inside of me that I didn’t know was there. Painting invigorates my soul. It reminds me of the time that I was actually at that location, experiencing the sights, sounds, smells, and just soaking it all in. By recreating that place, I’m recreating the experience that I felt being in that place, and it brings me sheer joy. The fact that people want to buy my paintings and experience them too is just icing on the cake.

I still have days (sometimes weeks, ugh) where I have no energy. And I honor that. I take time to sit and relax and breathe, and know that this too shall pass, and that tomorrow I’ll be able to paint again. Thanks for being with me on my journey.